Wish to End Teenage Temper Tantrums?

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Have you said no to some teenager recently?
How about to a two-year-old? The response is about the exact same. Temper tantrum city! A buddy told me the other day about his baby screaming that she hated them (her parents) and accusing them of getting the worst mother and father in the entire wide world. She ended her tirade with, "You're Hitler! In fact, you are both Hitlers! Mr. and Mrs. Hitler, that's what you might be!"
This outburst was in response to her becoming told that she couldn't stay out late on a school night, especially following a couple extremely late weekend nights. Now, this father, like most mom and dad was quick to point out that his daughter was not bad. No, not whatsoever. In truth, she was a high achiever and absolutely delightful to be around. That's, along as you say yes to her requests.
She Goes Psycho!
"Once you say no to her, she goes psycho!" complained my friend. "Not only did she 'go off' on us, but she made my wife and I pay the price the complete day. She stomped close to the house and showed her 'attitude' at every opportunity."
My buddy was in some real pain over this. He felt rejected by his daughter, totally frustrated and confused, and like he was a lousy parent. "Join the club." I told him. "I don't know any parent who doesn't experience exactly the same feelings on a normal basis. Feelings of inadequacy start five minutes after birth and never go away-not even after the kids grow up and move out."
Its for that Most Ancient of Causes
Kids are masters at confusing, beguiling and guilt-tripping their parents from the really earliest of ages. Why do they do so? For that most ancient of reasons-to get what they want. Childhood is the time when children learn how to get their needs, wants and desires met. It's all part of growing up.
What Your Kids Require You to do
The role of us mother and father is often to teach the appropriate methods of getting what they want. This is a tough job! Especially when most every kid is an absolute genius at pushing just the right buttons to drive his or her mom and dad up the wall until they finally cave in with those all too familiar words, "Oh, alright! Have it your way!"
Although our children are seemingly desperate to get us to grant their wishes, what they require for us to accomplish is to make our greatest decisions and to teach them "no means no."
This Strategy Is Wonderful!
Here are a couple of guidelines that will aid. Use the 'let me feel about it' tactic. As saying no and changing your mind reinforces temper tantrums, you want to avoid doing so whatsoever costs. Instead, make a habit of responding with 'let me think about it' when your kid asks for one thing.
The advantage of doing so is two-fold. Really first it gives you some time to believe about it and make the decision you feel comfortable with and are willing to stand by. Second, it's likely that your kid will be 'good as gold' whilst your thinking about it! Use this technique even at times when you might be sure you're going to say either yes or no to some request (or demand).
Expect your child to say in response, "that's what you often say!" When they do, smile and say "Yes, I do. And, I usually will."
The Other Side of the Mountain
The other side of this issue is prevention. That is, you are able to circumvent lots of issues by teaching your youngsters that they are great at being patient, excellent at being persistent, good at listening and good at compromising. How do you do this? By diligently searching for these behaviors and pointing them out to your baby. Each time you point to the evidence, label your kid with a positive characteristic. Say one thing like, "I noticed when your dad said you couldn't go the pool with your friends that you were pretty cool about it. That tells me you might be patient and understanding. I appreciate that about you."
Each and every and every time you take the time and effort to accomplish this, it will sky-rocket both your child's belief system AND your child's desire to cooperate with you!

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