Tiger Woods Sends Me Ten Million To Keep Quiet

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It’s a big sports day. The Yankees stunk it up in Boston, last night, the Eagles traded their QB to the Redskins, the final game of March Madness is tonight, at 9:21 EST and of course, Tiger Woods faced the media at the Masters in Atlanta.

Duke will have won the National Championship, by the time you read this.

The Yankees still have 161 games on the schedule. Remember that in 2009, they lost their first 8 games to the stinkin’ Bosox.

Donovan McNabb leaves the City of Brotherly Love for Abomination, er…Obamanation. I hope he has better luck than the Commander-in-Chief did picking his NCAA brackets. As the famous Dick Enberg would say…”Oh My!”

You may know that I live in close proximity to Tiger Woods, if being within 75 square miles counts for anything. I was just about ready to turn my tax return in to the government when I got some special mail last week. I opened the package and there it was: a ten million dollar check from Tiger, with a note that said, “Thanks for keeping your lip zipped…Eldrick”
Eldrick is the secret code name for all of us who are tight with Tiger. My ticket into the inner sanctum was his bad knee and we had a consulting rendezvous on that little boat he has parked hither and yon, along the coast. Since it was covered by a giant tarp when we consulted, I couldn’t see his knee all that well.

So I had to do what I like to call the Caveman exam. I hit him in the knee, or the general vicinity of his leg and depending on how loud he screamed, I guestimated what it would take to get him back in shape. I recommended that he have surgery of some sort and to find a doctor who had some really bright lights, so he could see what he was doing.

He must have taken me up on my suggestion, because there he was walking around Augusta with some of the people who were on his little boat, when I was there. At least, I think they were the same people, but like I say, it was pretty dark there. (The other thing that was strange…I guess it’s okay to say this, now that I have the ten million…everybody was wearing pillowcases…and they didn’t quite cover everything that needed to be covered.) But again, it was pretty dark under that tarp.

My Masters prediction is: Tiger wins! And the story will be bigger than…Powerball…which has a jackpot of…$125 Million. I had better get a ticket for that… in case this check from Eldrick turns out to be bogus.

You, too, can be a champion and without Tiger’s recent troubles. All you have to do is commit to improving your health and start taking my Powerhouse Omega Formula, an ultra pure, deep water, pharmaceutical grade fish oil, that has been assayed by an independent third party to be what I say it is.

Get yourself a Powerball ticket too. $125 million will buy a lifetime supply of my Powerhouse Omega Formula.

Hell…I’ll even autograph each bottle.

Article Source: http://depositarticles.com/

Dr. Bill is an orthopaedic surgeon and author. He recommends this pharmaceutical grade fish oil for more energy, reduced joint pain and increased heart health.

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