How to Get Your Ex Back - Some Steps From a Marriage Therapist

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If you've been dumped, and you're now feeling hurt, sad and angry, this article is for you. Most people have experienced a break up in their life. Often people feel all the pain, but eventually they just move on.

As a psychotherapist who is passionate about helping people create amazing relationships, it frustrates me that there are so many of what I think of as "unnecessary" breakups. Of course there are definitely people who really shouldn't be together, and in these cases it makes sense to break up. But based on my work in private practice with couples, I believe this group is smaller than most people would think. Based on my my experience and training I firmly believe that around 90% of all relationship failures could be prevented if the people involved had been taught what they needed to do to get past their differences and to learn to love each other again.

In fact, I would even go as far as to say that there are times when going through the process of an attempted break up is a "right of passage" that can actually create an even stronger bond in some relationships. But unfortunately, in our current society, we're not provided with the tools that will help us to get our ex back, resolve our issues and get back together.

If you've suddenly found yourself single again and you're asking yourself "how do I get my ex back?" or "is it possible to get my ex back?"... Don't shut the door on it yet. If you're willing to work to create an even better relationship with your ex than you had before, there are some great strategies and resources that will take you by the hand and show you, step-by-step, how to get your ex back into your arms. Further on I'll tell you about a great process that will do just that, but for now, here are some great tips to begin the process:

1. Think about the reasons for your break up...

Many people who have broken up are so focused on wanting their ex back that they don't really consider the problems that they already had in their relationship. Take time out to really think about what went wrong that resulted in the break up. Was it that one or both of you had unreasonable needs or expectations? Had one of you shut down and stopped opening up with the other? Did it feel like nothing you could do would be okay with them (or visa versa)? Consider the reality of how the relationship was. This is an important first step because unless you understand what went wrong, when you get back with your ex, if you don't know what really caused the break up you might repeat it.

2. Give both yourself and your ex some space...

Think of the break up as a necessary process in taking the relationship to the next level. If you can, try to avoid focusing on the negative stuff, even though you're understandably feeling hurt and sad. Right now you don't have much choice around being together or about feeling the pain. So it's imperative that you accept that this "is" just what is "currently" happening and that you need to let yourself adjust to this new situation.. You could even think of it as a new phase in the same relationship, but with different rules.

Choose to really accept where your relationship is. Accept your sadness and your feelings of being alone, but don't let them make you desperate or needy of your ex.

3. Be warm if you run into them by accident...

Our natural tendency is often to avoid our ex or act as if we don't care about them and, on some secret level, by doing so punish them for how we're feeling now. We can even want to punish them, despite the fact that we really want them back. As a therapist, I want to encourage you not to punish them even though you're hurting. If you run into them, don't just ignore them or avoid them. Act as warm and friendly as possible without being over the top, and simply greet them with a smile and a "hi". Smile at them and show them that you are not going to let your pain and hurt feelings create a wall between you. Don't be desperate or needy.

If you're genuinely sorry for something you've done or for treating them badly, take time out to make a genuine apology, but be careful! An apology is something that needs to be handled in the right way and at the right time, or it can push your ex away even further.

4. Be kind to yourself...

Looking after yourself is crucial after a break up. And, as unusual as this may sound, focusing on yourself in this way is an important part of the process of getting back together. Make sure you don't go into hibernation mode or hide in your home. Take on some new projects and actually plan to get back into life. Take time to stay (or get) healthy by exercising a bit more and eating a good diet. These are important steps if you want your ex back.

Naturally this is just the tip of the iceberg!

Article Source: http://depositarticles.com/

These steps are part of a proven & powerful strategy that has been used by countless people to get their ex lovers back. It's an easy process that anyone can follow, which will show you exactly what you need to do to win your ex back. To find out more about it & get some other great tools & strategies visit my website!

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