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A Simple Way To Get Over Bitterness and Anger

By: Bob Ethan

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It happens to all of us every now and then, and it is very aggravating. Somebody you trust or assumed you had a close relationship with does something to betray you or disregard you. If this person was not friend or family, you could just expel them from your world and never have to deal with them again. But that is not necessarily a possibility if the person is a member of your family or social circle. Sometimes you have to pardon and forget otherwise the bitterness can cause you personal harm.

But sourness and anger are strong emotions that may take control of you if you do not have systems for working with them. I'm going to tell you about one strategy I have found very useful in overcoming or reducing my resentment, anger, and hate of folk I don't have any choice but to interact with. I first learned this strategy in self improvement guru Anthony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within. To modify your emotions you've got to change what you concentrate on. So when you're caught up in bad emotions towards someone, change what you're focusing on by asking yourself "What do I respect about this person?" In all likelihood, your answer will be "Nothing!". That's ok. But ask again, now changing the question to "What could you respect about this person if you wanted to?" This time you will likely think of something respectable about them. Concentrate on that aspect of the individual, and you may end up sliding into another more positive emotional state.

The reason why the 2nd version of the question is so robust is that we frequently resist emotions that cause us discomfort. In this case, for example, being annoyed gives you the illusion of having more charge of the problem, so you resist giving up that anger and moving into a happier state. You are comfortable with the anger. But becase you are asking the question hypothetically, as in "if you wanted to", you are taking away the resistance because you do not have to personally take accountability for those ideas you come up with about that person. You are just brainstorming hypothetically. But the secret is that your emotions will follow your focus, so even though you are just imagining hypothetically, you are now concentrating on something positive and your emotions will advance into a more positive state.

Let's look at an example so you'll get what I mean. Shall we say your mother is overprotective of you and can't stop attempting to shelter you from the world although you're a fullgrown adult. I know from my own history that this can cause a lot of bitterness and frustration. The primary reaction of the person is "Stop attempting to control me like a tyrant!" But next you ask the question "What do I respect about my mother?" Maybe your response is "Nothing! She needs to get lost" then reframe the question, "What could you respect about her if you wanted to?" Then you will likely come up with something along the lines of "Well, she obvious|clear}ly loves me. She wants to keep me safe. She's a caring person." That hypothetical brainstorming has changed your focus and your emotional state, and you most likely have a little more sympathy for her after asking yourself these questions. That does not imply you've got to permit her behaviour, but it can help you handle it in a rational, positive way instead of degenerating into hate and antagonism that can cause damage to the relationship and reduce your overall contentment.

Understanding how to govern your emotional states can give you tremendous control over your life and you. The above is only one simple example, but there are many other ways to take control of your feelings. I highly suggest Anthony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within as a helpful source of applied methods to help you achieve this.

Article Source: http://depositarticles.com/

Forest Harper has been very concerned in self-improvement for ages and takes a deep interest in controlling emotional states, as well as changing your ideology and values to help you achieve the life you desire. She maintains a blog Gemstone Meanings, where she discusses the Gem Sapphire Stone and other robust gems.

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