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Coming Soon to a Shopping Centre Near You

By: Kurt Tabler

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Not three weeks into January, chocolates appear in new dress on the shop shelves. These previously standard after-dinner treats now metamorphose into outrageously expensive morsels. Delights enclosed in red boxes, their outer layer wreathed in roses, and cherubs dancing, bows and silver hearts floating from their chubby digits. Exact replicas were masquerading pre-Christmas as gifts from Father Christmas himself - red packaging full of jolly 'Ho Ho's' and snowflakes.

Clever marketers, quick to squeeze an extra quid or nine off their packaging bottom line spotted the connection. Red. Glorious red! Both events. Red! Didn't even have to change the big ink cartridge down at the printers. Kept the same base colour just converted 'Ho Ho's' to pinkish little people with dimpled knees and curly blonde locks.

However only a cynical wag would point out that Santa's red and St V's tint are linked. The direct result of smart lads in lime-green suits brain-storming an answer to the container glut left over from the most expensive commercial success in the business calendar. The same boys that made you buy, buy, buy using a myth surrounding a jolly plump man swooping around behind hairy antelope with impressive horn arrangements, and have now turned their incredible talent to shore up revenues after January sales plummet below-the-hole-in-the-bottom-of-the-basement level.

Three weeks before the 14th of February the marketing machine is spouting at full-throttle. Layer upon layer of cherry-red engulfs the globe ? except in those places that don't have T.V., radio, telephones or marketing jocks, like Bovet Island just north of the Antarctic Circle. In less remote places shop windows, magazines and flower stalls are awash with carmine. It flows seamlessly, embedding itself within the smallest of nooks and crannies, followed closely by the nervous twitter rustling through men. They hurry to and fro, heads down, ignoring the price tags attached to all things dipped in a ripe pomegranate hue. Punchy pay-off lines zing through the airwaves, mesmerising those who wouldn't be caught flowerless, chocolate-free or without a gift when the sun sets on Cupid's Day.

If you live in South Africa an individual red rose will set you back forty rand. Two weeks after the 14th the price will normalise to its usual four bucks a pop. Men in England or North America have it far, far worse. February's still cold up there; ice on the ground, flowers reared in expensively-warmed hot houses or flown in from Africa ? aviation fuel being what it is, the price of the blushing bloom fetches a very un-pretty price. So what's to be done?

Calls of 'Down with roses. Buy white daisies instead,' ripple ominously among the men folk. 'I'll get 'er a box 'o chocolates a week after. Better price,' are growled into the mirror while shaving by those who sense the lightness of pocketbooks lurking around the corner. However those moans remain in the hot steaminess of the bathroom. Men know even the slightest insinuation that fresh red roses and gifts might not be produced on true lovers' special day will instantly turn their ladies to ice. Female responses to further conversation will be restricted to bullet-like monosyllables ricocheting off the dining room walls.

And what of faux blooms? They're cheaper, last longer and only need an occasional rinse down to keep them fresh and perky. As this easy-on-the-wallet solution grips the pit of the man's stomach and images of proper food bob energetically before his eyes - beware. His (Ha!) mates may be yelling, 'Go On! Buy 'er a bunch of the silks. They're half the price.' but take heed.

Cement-in-the-head is he who believes your darling desires you to save money when choosing her Valentine's gift. Only practical women ? usually married for years, three children and bills mounting in the 'to be paid' jar will ever so slightly concede to budget flowers. 'Yes Dear? I know it's the thought that counts,' she'll say, promptly omitting to wash your clothes for the next fortnight.

However, girlfriends and fianc?es are different, have endless memories and measure your true intentions of love and devotion by the way you spend on hearts and roses day. Faux blooms, however acceptable throughout the year, do not work on the fourteenth of Feb. It would be better to plead non compos mentis and bolt yourself and your pennies in a dark hole rather than arrive at your beloved clutching an armful of something 'blossomed' in a factory.

So there's really not much that can be done. Some tips though:

Read intently those outstanding passages in ?Business Online? regarding how to budget when you're insolvent. Terribly useful advice; zero plus zero equals?You guessed it! Go to the front of the class.

Eat lots more toast 'n beans.

Realise that no men on the planet other than perhaps Donald T, Richard B, Billy the G and the residents of Bovet Isle actually expect to have anything in their bank account much before July.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Article Source: http://depositarticles.com/

Kurt Tabler has his flowers delivered from local flower shops regularly. One of the favourite standing orders is roses

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